and trying not to fall
I added a few new poems in the poetry section of my site as well as in the downloadable file in the writing section. I’ll put a couple of them here in case you don’t feel like clicking.
Scottish winter -
the scent of coal burning
as the snow falls
Scottish summer -
the rays of sun outnumbered
by drops of rain
Ah, so this post is to serve as a sort of main course to the sort of starters I’ve been making lately…if you’ll accept the food analogy.
First of all, we’ve almost finished the cosmetic updates on my website. I think it looks very nice and Steph has done a good job adding the birds into the header. It’s pretty cool, and it keeps the idea behind the theme the same. I really like it, and it makes me want to post a whole lot more than my previous theme, which had some problems displaying images correctly and just did some screwy things whenever I’d try to format things the way I wanted them. This theme is clean and simple, but remains visually pleasing. Anyway, enough of web stuff.
I thought I’d mention that I’ve added a poetry section to my site, and I’ve got a bunch of my poems on there. Now, I’ll just state for the record that I haven’t really made most of my poetry available to just anyone to read before this, so please realize that this contains a ton of my stuff, some of it left unfinished or without any editing yet been done. Stuff will change on the poetry section as I add/remove/edit poems. I also hope that nobody makes fun of me. I write from the heart, but I haven’t always followed the rules for some of this stuff, I’m sure. It has mainly been a way for me to express my emotions, which I’m usually really bad at doing. Anyway, if you want to read them, feel free. If not, that’s fine too. Just don’t send them to tons of people in chain emails making fun of the crappy ones. Oh, and don’t claim them as your work, just in case one of these babies turns out to be my cash crop. Yeah…..that’s going to happen…totally.
HandRooster: The comic is coming back. It is coming back soon. It is coming back this next week. This week’s scripts are done and they have been sent to the beautiful artist who is my wife, and she will be working on them tomorrow and later this week. I hope we haven’t lost our fan base entirely, but if you read this and you used to read the comic, get your RSS news readers ready..or just go to the site later next week if you’re old school like that. I must admit that sometimes I prefer to go without a newsreader myself. I call it “going newsreader commando” and it can be quite an exciting experience.
It was a nice sunny day today, so Steph and I walked to the shop in Strathtay. On the way, I took some pictures which I will share below. I had been wanting to get some photos of a couple of little waterfalls near the path, so I got those and a few others. I hope you enjoy them, because I had a problem with my Aperture plugin which uploads photos and I couldn’t get most of them on for hours. Now that I have conquered that problem, I present them to you.
Honestly, this post was going to be longer. I want to talk about some books I’ve been reading and also some work stuff, but I think I’ll do proper book reviews at a later date and work can wait. I’ll leave you to what you were doing before this rude interruption. Have a good one, as required by law.
I’ve had a pretty lazy day. I’ve been getting a bit frantic lately for no reason. I guess that after all this time, I still have major doubts about which direction I should head in life. Honestly, I have no idea if I’ll ever resolve this stuff in my head. I know that I should write every day, yet I avoid it as if I hate it. After I avoid it, I feel like crap because I haven’t done it. When I actually get down to doing it, it is pretty enjoyable. What’s wrong with me? I feel so messed up when it comes to things like that. Instead of doing something, I agonize about how I should do it, spend hours reading about doing it and how I should do it, and coming up with alternatives to doing it which will make me rich and give me tons of time to do anything I want. In the end, I am stuck sitting here in front of my computer realizing the fact that I’ve just wasted another day which could be spent furthering my skill and lessening the pain to which I drive myself steadily. I need to find some sort of project which occupies my time - something which requires modest amounts of research and detailed writing based on that research. What I need is some sort of minor starting job to make me feel as if I can actually write instead of sitting here telling myself I might be able to write.
Ah, you were right, Edgar. In the case of my creativity, misery is manifold. You were a bit of a downer, I must say…how we do this to ourselves is beyond my comprehension.
Oh well. So, Valentine’s Day, eh? I wrote Steph a silly poem as my gift. We’re never really big about giving each other gifts, except on birthdays. It is nice to have no pressure in that sense, but I hope there isn’t some sort of rage building inside of her which will tear up swathes of rural Scotland if she decides to destroy me.
If anyone reads my posts anymore - hi! I used to have so many online friends, but now my reclusive nature has extended into my online presence and I guess I’ve built a hermitage in a tiny part of the web. Unfortunately, it is the part that has spiders and mildew and wretched stray dogs with fur worried patchy and thin by their gnashing teeth as they vainly try to rid their bodies of fleas. I always told myself I’d be happy to be a hermit, but I’m beginning to think otherwise in my old age. My vast 28 years of experience have yielded much wisdom, this being the latest data gem gleaned from that proverbial database. I long for a nice internet campfire with stories aplenty, a minstrel’s sweet ballads, ample food, good company and good cheer. Maybe I’ll build an internet campfire website - a web application of some sort. Social networking, and all of that.
What kind of websites don’t exist that you’d want? I’ll steal your ideas and make them. I’ll cut you in on the profit, though.
It’s been pretty windy and wet here lately, but I’ve been trying to get outside and take walks when I have the time. I really enjoy it, as I can feel the power of nature and witness winter in a way I hadn’t really appreciated before. I’ve written a few haiku based on my walks. Being out there seems to inspire that sort of thing.
I’m feeling good right now. It’s been a really intense month or two at work, and I was having a lot of problems dealing with it. I’ve always had a hard time dealing with stress, and working extra hours and being under a lot of pressure didn’t help things. I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can deal with things properly, though. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs in the past, but as long as I give myself enough time for meditation and reflection, I think things will stay good. I just need to use the time I have wisely instead of avoiding things in my life.
I’ve been reading a book called The Places that Scare You by Pema Chödrön which contains a lot of techniques which have helped me lately. I’ve really enjoyed it, and I may read some more of Pema Chödrön’s work. I think I’ll also reread some of my Dalai Lama and Thich Nhat Hahn books as well. Both of their teachings have really helped me in the past.
Steph got me a couple of books which I think I’ll enjoy. I’ve been meaning to read something by Nietzsche for a while now, so she got me Basic Writings of Nietzsche. She also got me Goethe’s Faust which is awesome, as I’ve always wanted to read it. I still have yet to get stuck into Walden, so I’ll have to read that as well. It looks like I’ll be busy during my week off this month.
I still haven’t edited my photos from our America trip yet. I keep meaning to do it, but it slips my mind. I’ll try to post some when I get a chance. I hope all of you have a wonderful season, whatever your holidays or beliefs may be.
Cracked lips spew forth words across the tattered conference room. Like so many dry dust motes, the words float toward me. I bat them away in irritation and chase pen and paper dreams.
mess of paper
on the table
three o’clock meeting
I drew a character I like to call BatDogMan, and another character called Verbiage. Verbiage is a monster consisting of the word verbiage, some squiggly lines, some sharp teeth, and those raised up eyes people use when they are drawing snails.
I had an interesting exchange of words today about my evident lack of desire to be at work. Believe me when I say that this shouldn’t be a surprise. I have 30 days of leave available to take per year. My leave total accrues 2.5 of these days per month, and am free to take these days whenever I see fit. For some reason people in leadership positions understand and admit these things, yet get angry when someone does what they have been instructed to do. They all have obsessions with emergencies. For reasons I don’t understand, they think that I should maintain at least 14 of these 30 days per year for emergencies only. It is as if they expect my life to consist only of one hardship after another. If there are any hardships that never dissipate, they would have to be work itself and their constant meddling in my affairs. I take my leave when I want so I can be happy in life. I’d rather not base my existence after some robotic entity which would probably work forever only to be rewarded with some lube and a box in which it would store itself.
I’m home now and I’m happy. My cat is meowing so I’d best go poke her in her belly.