Archive for the 'Writing' Category

A Brief Analysis of the Battle with the Self

Published
by
Mike
on March 5, 2008
in Military, Religion/Spirituality and Writing
. 1 Comment

While I worked for the military, it was easy to blame my problems on my job. As I saw it, I worked for an evil entity - a regime which destroys hope and ruins lives worldwide. I realize that the military is just a tool to be used by an entire country, I still believe that the tool itself has flaws which must be corrected in order to fall in line with the collected interest of all of the world’s peoples. By no means am I suggesting that the US government is the sole baddy out there, but if you look at history objectively you can’t claim that it is the sole goody either.

As I said, it was easy to blame everything on my job, but when circumstances in life change and you face yourself in the mirror and find little has changed in your attitude, you must pursue the most obvious path of reasoning - the problem is not with my circumstances, it is with me. I knew this all along, but the battle with the self is endless. It is almost impossible for me to avoid blaming suffering on the immediate catalysts in my life, though I know full well that I lie at the heart of every problem. In the battle with the self, can we really win? Many philosophers and religious leaders have claimed to have solved that problem, but could the truth at the heart of it all illuminate yet another ego based claim? Can we not appear benevolent to others with only ego in our hearts?

I always fall into a certain trap of thinking. I always imagine that my mind will calm and my heart will fill with the next change I wish to make. In reality I just look forward again, to some other goal which may never be realized. I am also obsessive. I tend to focus on one thing at a time, throwing all of my effort and focus into that sole purpose until I am disheartened by the lack of progress. In the end, my ego still controls me. I wish the world to bow down to my glory - a man more than a man, a personality worth the fame they bestow upon me. They should see me as an enlightened being and worship me as a god, but not in a way that would annoy me or subtract from my self enjoyment. I want everything and with no effort.

And if I ever got it, I’d be miserable. Then again, the day after I’d be really excited by something else.

I wish you a Merry Leap Day and a Happy New March

Published
by
Mike
on February 29, 2008
in Books, Comic, Photography, Web, Wood Carving, Work and Writing
. 0 Comments

Leap day - it seems to be a symbol to me of the lost. It is a day which comes so little that one feels as if he should take a close look at his life and spend the day doing something crazy in order to remember its very special nature. I don’t really plan on doing that, mainly because I can’t think of anything crazy, but also because something crazy enough might get me kicked out of the country. I wouldn’t want to jeopardize any future attempts at British citizenship, would I? The answer is no, children. Can you say that? No.

Seriously, though. Maybe I’ll make a Youtube video. I’ve never done that. That would be the craziest thing I could do in comparison to my normal nature. I was going to take a photo of a pork pie today, but Steph ate the last one yesterday because she was starving. I was sleeping at the time, so I couldn’t protest. I wanted to take a photo of it because I actually like them. I hadn’t tried one before, but the pies made from humans and gooey bug stuff in the Sweeney Todd movie made me want to try one. I did, and it was delicious - not at all like the movie, of course. Anyway, I was sleeping because my schedule was opposite of what it should been. I basically got up at night and went to sleep at the morning, so I didn’t sleep the night before last, and then stayed up all day until 6pm. Then I went to sleep and woke up at around 7pm with a horrible cramp. I won’t say anything more about the cramp, but you can investigate it here if you want. It seems to happen to me sometimes if my diet isn’t varied enough. I’m probably going to seek out fruits and vegetables today, because it is one of the most horrible things that I experience in life.

In recent personal news:

We have been working on HandRooster, and it seems that not everyone has left us. Our web hits aren’t massive like they used to be, but I’m hoping that will come with time and good comics, so we’ll just keep making them. I haven’t carved wood in ages, mainly because the house is still cold. I usually carve in the living room but I don’t have any wood or coal right now so the living room is cold if we’ve got the fan heater in the computer room. Steph never spends time in the living room, so I don’t want to steal the heater from her. Perhaps I’ll get some wood or coal soon and heat it up in there so I can carve. Otherwise, my hands are too cold and they hurt while I’m carving. I’ve been writing a bit - mostly small journal posts, HandRooster scripts, and little poems. I’ll remind anyone that is interested that most of my poems are in the poetry section of my website. I’ll probably be making individual pages for them or rearranging the page I have because my friend Lewis suggested that it might make them more readable. I agree, so I’ll get on that soon. If you read them and have any comments, email me or leave a comment. There is some contact info here Hmm. What else? I got some books yesterday. I intend to do book reviews on all of these at some point, but here are a couple of links. They are quite good books. This author writes very different fantasy books. They are a refreshing change to the usual:

Golden Fool
UK version
Fool’s Fate
UK version

Anyway, those are the latest two I’ve received and I intent to start reading them right away, although I have many other books to read. After I’m done, maybe I’ll finally get around to doing some book reviews. I guess we’ll see.

I hope you all have a Merry Leap Day and a Happy New March. Do something crazy!

Pleasant sunny day

Published
by
Mike
on February 16, 2008
in Comic, Photography, Web and Writing
. 1 Comment

Ah, so this post is to serve as a sort of main course to the sort of starters I’ve been making lately…if you’ll accept the food analogy.

First of all, we’ve almost finished the cosmetic updates on my website. I think it looks very nice and Steph has done a good job adding the birds into the header. It’s pretty cool, and it keeps the idea behind the theme the same. I really like it, and it makes me want to post a whole lot more than my previous theme, which had some problems displaying images correctly and just did some screwy things whenever I’d try to format things the way I wanted them. This theme is clean and simple, but remains visually pleasing. Anyway, enough of web stuff.

I thought I’d mention that I’ve added a poetry section to my site, and I’ve got a bunch of my poems on there. Now, I’ll just state for the record that I haven’t really made most of my poetry available to just anyone to read before this, so please realize that this contains a ton of my stuff, some of it left unfinished or without any editing yet been done. Stuff will change on the poetry section as I add/remove/edit poems. I also hope that nobody makes fun of me. I write from the heart, but I haven’t always followed the rules for some of this stuff, I’m sure. It has mainly been a way for me to express my emotions, which I’m usually really bad at doing. Anyway, if you want to read them, feel free. If not, that’s fine too. Just don’t send them to tons of people in chain emails making fun of the crappy ones. Oh, and don’t claim them as your work, just in case one of these babies turns out to be my cash crop. Yeah…..that’s going to happen…totally.

HandRooster: The comic is coming back. It is coming back soon. It is coming back this next week. This week’s scripts are done and they have been sent to the beautiful artist who is my wife, and she will be working on them tomorrow and later this week. I hope we haven’t lost our fan base entirely, but if you read this and you used to read the comic, get your RSS news readers ready..or just go to the site later next week if you’re old school like that. I must admit that sometimes I prefer to go without a newsreader myself. I call it “going newsreader commando” and it can be quite an exciting experience.

It was a nice sunny day today, so Steph and I walked to the shop in Strathtay. On the way, I took some pictures which I will share below. I had been wanting to get some photos of a couple of little waterfalls near the path, so I got those and a few others. I hope you enjoy them, because I had a problem with my Aperture plugin which uploads photos and I couldn’t get most of them on for hours. Now that I have conquered that problem, I present them to you.

Small falls near River Tay

Little shaded falls

Sun drenched stream

Shaded waterfall

Old stone thing - I have no idea what it is

Building waterfall

Mossy stone post

Moss

Last year's leaf

Snowdrops

Tiny smooth falls

Honestly, this post was going to be longer. I want to talk about some books I’ve been reading and also some work stuff, but I think I’ll do proper book reviews at a later date and work can wait. I’ll leave you to what you were doing before this rude interruption. Have a good one, as required by law.

a day

Published
by
Mike
on February 14, 2008
in Nonsense, Web and Writing
. 1 Comment

I’ve had a pretty lazy day. I’ve been getting a bit frantic lately for no reason. I guess that after all this time, I still have major doubts about which direction I should head in life. Honestly, I have no idea if I’ll ever resolve this stuff in my head. I know that I should write every day, yet I avoid it as if I hate it. After I avoid it, I feel like crap because I haven’t done it. When I actually get down to doing it, it is pretty enjoyable. What’s wrong with me? I feel so messed up when it comes to things like that. Instead of doing something, I agonize about how I should do it, spend hours reading about doing it and how I should do it, and coming up with alternatives to doing it which will make me rich and give me tons of time to do anything I want. In the end, I am stuck sitting here in front of my computer realizing the fact that I’ve just wasted another day which could be spent furthering my skill and lessening the pain to which I drive myself steadily. I need to find some sort of project which occupies my time - something which requires modest amounts of research and detailed writing based on that research. What I need is some sort of minor starting job to make me feel as if I can actually write instead of sitting here telling myself I might be able to write.

Ah, you were right, Edgar. In the case of my creativity, misery is manifold. You were a bit of a downer, I must say…how we do this to ourselves is beyond my comprehension.

Oh well. So, Valentine’s Day, eh? I wrote Steph a silly poem as my gift. We’re never really big about giving each other gifts, except on birthdays. It is nice to have no pressure in that sense, but I hope there isn’t some sort of rage building inside of her which will tear up swathes of rural Scotland if she decides to destroy me.

If anyone reads my posts anymore - hi! I used to have so many online friends, but now my reclusive nature has extended into my online presence and I guess I’ve built a hermitage in a tiny part of the web. Unfortunately, it is the part that has spiders and mildew and wretched stray dogs with fur worried patchy and thin by their gnashing teeth as they vainly try to rid their bodies of fleas. I always told myself I’d be happy to be a hermit, but I’m beginning to think otherwise in my old age. My vast 28 years of experience have yielded much wisdom, this being the latest data gem gleaned from that proverbial database. I long for a nice internet campfire with stories aplenty, a minstrel’s sweet ballads, ample food, good company and good cheer. Maybe I’ll build an internet campfire website - a web application of some sort. Social networking, and all of that.

What kind of websites don’t exist that you’d want? I’ll steal your ideas and make them. I’ll cut you in on the profit, though.

Birthday

Published
by
Mike
on February 10, 2008
in Comic, Nonsense, Photography, Wood Carving, Work and Writing
. 1 Comment

It was my 28th birthday the other day - on February 8th. Steph and I took the day off from work and went to Loch Tay where I found some nice driftwood for possible carving and stick making projects. We just drove around the Loch, mostly. It was quite a windy day, though it was sunnier than it has been of late. I took some photos:

Driftwood on Loch Tay

A windy day on Loch Tay

Loch Tay waves

Horn wagon

Horn carver

The banks of Loch Tay

So I must admit that I still haven’t done any carving lately, and I have yet to post my latest carving project photos in the projects section of the site. That’s partially because I realized that I only have photos of one of my projects. There is another set of photos on Steph’s camera and some I have to dig out from my email somewhere, as I forgot to take pictures before I gave the carving to my Dad and he sent pictures after I got back home.

Nothing is really happening today. We might go for a walk a bit later. There is a beautiful little stream I’d like to get a photo of if I get a chance today, but Steph’s still in bed. We went to bed quite late - I think at around 4:30-5:00 am, yet I woke up at 10 am and felt wide awake. I fear I’ll have burning eyes and a weary body later in the day to punish me for my silly sleeping schedule. There is really no reason other than being too lazy to go to bed. John and I have been working lately on a big project for a popular gaming site but we’re now almost done. There are a lot of little things to fix and clean up but overall it is in much better shape than when we inherited it. I don’t really want to give away the name of the site, but suffice it to say that John and I have been mentioned in several site and forum posts and we were mentioned in two of the weekly podcasts, which are quite popular. It was kinda cool to have the experience, and it was good for learning, but I’d rather have a regular schedule and more time to accomplish tasks. What I’d really like to do is learn to do custom vBulletin mod stuff and more server side scripting for maintenance (maybe with python or something - something useful for cron jobs and not horrible to look at, etc) and then be able to work independently on my own projects without having to kill myself over them. That way, I’d hopefully be able to get a lot done yet keep time for myself for writing, etc.

Speaking of writing, I guess things are going moderately. Not too fast, because I don’t really do much at the moment. Since my book is going to be based on my life experiences living in Scotland, I’ll need to get out and meet more people and do more things if I want this to really happen. I intend on making some changes soon. I have a few ideas, but I’ll leave those until later, as I’m not sure what I’ll do yet.

On the HandRooster front:

I know we haven’t done a comic in months. I know it’s probably annoying. I know I keep making excuses when I get emails. Believe me, I want to do this. I think I’ve finally convinced Steph to go forward with it, but we may be making slight changes in the way the art is done. At the moment, it just takes her too long to do them. It isn’t something we get any money for, and it seems like a lot of time to her to spend on something when she doesn’t always appreciate the humor or when she’s slaving away for hours on something I’ve written in 2 minutes time. I really feel her pain. I wish I could draw the thing, but my unsteady hands and warped sense of perspective would probably have people calling for my head. I don’t really want to go to low quality stuff after having broken the 100 comic barrier. Anyway, we should be moving on soon. I think Steph may be doing some comics next weekend, should I provide her with the material. I have some ideas, so we’ll hopefully have some good news for you before too long.