Archive for the 'Nonsense' Category

After the rain

Published
by
Mike
on July 7, 2009
in Comic, Nonsense, Web/Technology and Writing
. 0 Comments

I’ve recently taken up walking and running again for exercise and went out today just after a thunderstorm. Everything was wet and glistening, the birds were out grabbing worms and the scent of foliage and rain was in the air. It was wonderful. I’ve resolved to try to go out more often just after the rain, even at the risk of getting a little wet and muddy. It’s so worth it.

On another note, HandRooster is back in business and has a redesigned site and I’ve been writing on simplicity, productivity, technology, happiness, etc over at my new site, mindreap. I fully intend on posting on Riding the Wind in the same way I always have, so don’t worry about that.

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Explanation

Published
by
Mike
on May 2, 2009
in Books, Nonsense and Writing
. 2 Comments

“Why do people have to be this lonely? What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the Earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?
I turned face-up on the slab of stone, gazed at the sky, and thought about all of the man-made satellites spinning around the Earth. The horizon was still etched in a faint glow, and stars began to blink on in the deep, wine-coloured sky. I gazed among them for the light of a satellite, but it was still too bright out to spot one with the naked eye. The sprinkling of stars looked nailed to the spot, unmoving. I closed my eyes and listened carefully for the descendants of Sputnik, even now circling the Earth, gravity their only tie to the planet. Lonely metal souls in the unimpeded darkness of space, they meet, pass each other, and part, never to meet again. No words passing between them. No promises to keep.” (Sputnik Sweetheart by Haruki Murakami, translated by Philip Gabriel)

I live in phases. Up and down I go, from periods of great productivity, joy and vigor to periods of something else altogether. Like Murakami’s strange Sumire who was so cherished by the story’s narrator, I too use writing as a means to think. Just as she did, I go through low phases which find me unable (or more likely unwilling) to think and therefore I avoid the act of writing. I recede from the internet, from books and from anything which may challenge me to think only to come crashing back later, like the returning tide. I don’t know how to prevent these cycles other than to force myself to continue to read, write and engage with my thoughts. I don’t even know if that will work, because my dark days come in force and unexpectedly, gripping me with an unwillingness to engage with the world. I prefer instead to dull my mind and dwell in nothingness until drawn out. Perhaps I need to make a stand or a decision, like in the book. I have love and companionship, but maybe I need a narrator of my own to draw me back from the twin world.

I’m back, for now.

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Me Right Now

Published
by
Mike
on January 6, 2009
in Nonsense
. 1 Comment

Today has been a crazy day. Nothing particularly crazy happened, but my emotions are crazy. I’m not really sure why, but sometimes I have a day like this. I decided to write about it in the open, because I don’t really care anymore if people know this about me.

Today I dropped Steph off at work and went in to Norwich to get a haircut at Croppers. That went just fine. I had to wait for a while and I read on one of the sofas while I waited for my haircut. I was feeling quite up for the whole experience, as I hadn’t had a haircut in over a year. After I got out of the military, I grew my hair for quite a while and then I shaved it all off and I’ve been shaving it since then. Recently I decided to have a normal hairstyle again so I’ve been growing it a bit. Unfortunately this means that it just stands on end for a while because it is so thick. I suppose you’d call it the white man’s version of a budding Afro style. Today I wanted to solve that problem by getting the sides and back cut.

When it was my turn (I had to wait for quite a while) I went up to the lady and got my haircut, saying almost nothing. I had originally thought I might try to converse with her but found myself unable to do so. This depressed me. I guess that for a while I had convinced myself that I was starting to near a normal realm of social capability after being forced to make friends over and over again and speak to people regularly during my time in the military. Really, I’ve been fooling myself. The only reason I was able to do this in the military is because I was forced to do so and because I saw people regularly and got accustomed to them on a daily basis.

The sad truth is that I can’t make friends and I can’t speak to people unless I am forced to be around them until I understand them better and feel comfortable speaking to them. I imagine that even if I knew someone on the internet, I’d still never be able to speak to them in real life in a comfortable way unless I spent a great deal of time with them. If any one of you who reads this met with me at any point, I’d be completely inept in conversational ability and you probably wouldn’t like me very much. You’d likely think I was weird and not want to see me again. The thing is that when I am used to someone, they usually do like me. They usually find me funny and I think that thee people like me and want to be my friend. I’m told I can be charismatic and that people enjoy my company. Why can’t I release this in a normal way with strangers?

After I got my haircut, I went to The Little Red Roaster, which is a coffee shop. I drank a latte. I wrote a poem. I read some of my book. I drank another latte. I was there for like 2 hours. At one point, there was probably a gap of about a half hour in which I was alone with the coffee shop lady and was attempting to gather the nerve to talk to her about anything normal. I wanted to feel that I could have some sort of human contact other than with my wife and her family. The thing is that I’m extremely lonely a lot of the time. I don’t think it would be very different if I was in the same situation in the US. I suppose that in order to meet people I’m going to have to force myself to go to a regular activity and keep doing it until I feel comfortable with people, or I’m going to have to have a job for the rest of my life which forces me to deal with other people. I wanted to do that here and I tried every place with openings but I couldn’t get hired. I suppose it isn’t a great time for job searching.

Anyway, the point is that I was lonely and feeling like an outsider to the world. People were laughing and talking and having conversations with strangers. I live with Steph’s parents and though I like them, they don’t know half of what I’m about and wouldn’t agree with that half because it conflicts with their world view. Steph’s brother also lives here and I think he has a bit of a better understanding of me and that does comfort me to some extent, but he is busy a lot and although we have some in common, we don’t have a lot. I guess what I am missing is some sort of network of friends. I love Steph and I guess I was fine while we lived in Scotland because although we had no friends there, I got to see her all day. I’m starting to understand what she went through while I was in the military. Every day she goes off to work and she’s tired when she gets home. Every day I try to find work online writing or whatever and I feel as if I’m not contributing much to our future and meanwhile I have no friends or contact with the outside world. I have a few friends who I talk to on the internet but that isn’t really the same, is it?

I don’t know. Sometimes I look at the world and see a beautiful place. Sometimes I’m so full of ambition and vigor I feel as if I could be a politician, a writer, a – something. I feel as if I am going to conquer the world and bend it to my will. Then again, sometimes I walk through a city aimlessly and watch people and although I can still see the beauty, I feel disconnected from that beauty as if I’m staring at a painting in a shop window which I can’t afford to buy. Moments like those – like today – are the times in which I desperately try to prevent myself from crying for no good reason while walking through the world.

I guess what it all comes down to is that I’m feeling down. I know I’m here in this place for a reason and that maybe I’ll feel better once I’m doing the access course or going back to school. I know that I’m working toward a future, but in order to feel good about the future I need to change something about what I’m doing right now.

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Why talk radio is better than television

Published
by
Mike
on December 28, 2008
in Nonsense and Writing
. 0 Comments

I’ll preface this post with a few facts. First, I’ve been drinking whisky. Second, all of this is based on my personal experience and opinions and is nowhere indicative of scientific fact. I have read nothing about this subject. This is just about me and my personal observations about television versus radio.

Having said all that, let me explain the background of my claims. I am not in any way a stranger to the allure of the television, the evil siren of the entertainment world. In the past, I have found myself easily succumbing to television and watching as my standards for worthy entertainment dropped time and time again. This usually ended up in me being hopelessly addicted to horrible reality television shows in which the freaks of society and their average counterparts are thrown together to mingle, fight, love and lose. Anyone living in the UK will be familiar with this sort of television. In this case, my example is Big Brother. Anyway, the point is not what it was but the fact that watching it can be almost as boring and monotonous as a television watcher’s meaningless existence. It is only slightly above the thrill I may get from – I don’t know – clipping my toenails, perhaps. Actually now that I think upon it further, clipping my toenails is more satisfying because of the delay between clipping sessions. Anyway, I haven’t been watching much TV lately because we don’t have one in a great location for us in our current living arrangements. Overall, I see this as a good thing.

I’m not by any means saying that all television is horrible. I love a good documentary, decent films, etc. You can’t get that sort of thing on radio in the same way and I appreciate some regular television as well. I’m a shameless fan of the new Battlestar Galactica show, and I don’t care that you know. I like it and I think that it is good television. The thing is though that most of the time, television is just not that good. I’d just as soon be playing games, taking photos, writing or just surfing the internet. Unfortunately, television does not allow me to do these things once I get into the habit of watching it. It sucks me into a time vortex and I waste the hours of my life in front of the box.

Since I came to the UK, I’ve been listening to BBC Radio 4. I started this practice because I was driving a total of around 8 hours on the weekends going to and from my wife’s house, before she was my wife. I’d leave right after work on a Friday night and get there about 4 hours later, since there was traffic and a long distance to contend with. The main problem was that I was always tired from a long day of work and I found regular music didn’t help me combat this. I’d just go into a sort of trance and it started to get dangerous. One day I tried listening to Radio 4, which is a spoken-word station. For some reason, this station kept my brain active and every time I’ve listened to it since, I’ve never been at risk for falling asleep.

Radio 4 broadcasts news, drama, comedy, science and history. It has a good mix of topics and all of the newsreaders, hosts, etc always seemed very well informed. I’m not going to tell you that I love everything on the station because I don’t. Some of it, frankly, caters to an older audience and I don’t care for the soap operas such as The Archers. I do very much enjoy the plays, the current affairs programmes, the pieces on literature and poetry and the programmes which focus on religion/spirituality and the like. I find that while I listen to the radio in this way, my mind is active. When listening to dramas, plays, or listening to a book reading, my imagination paints a picture using the words coming through the speakers. My brain is always working and assessing the words on the radio but when I’m watching the television, my brain is dead. I find myself wanting to eat or surf the internet while I watch television because watching television on its own doesn’t occupy enough of my brain.

Maybe your experience is different, but I’d urge you to give talk radio a chance if you haven’t done so already. Radio 4 is great and I hear good things about NPR although I don’t think their format is all talk. Anyway, that’s all from me for now.

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Quick note

Published
by
Mike
on December 1, 2008
in Nonsense, Photography and Web/Technology
. 0 Comments

I realise I haven’t done the photos yet – I’m working up to it, you see. When I open Aperture I see them all sitting there and they really give me a sense of dread. I just really dislike putting them up until I have them as good as my meager skills will allow.

Anyway, I shall try to force myself into doing them tomorrow. Until then, I’ve been doing a lot of social networking stuff. As of now I’m using Ping.fm (via GTalk messages – I use Adium as a client) to update my status on all of my social networks. Then I use a program called EventBox to retrieve all of my rss feeds (livejournal friends, blogs I read, news, etc) and almost all of my social networking (Twitter, Pownce, Flickr, Reddit, Facebook) updates. At the moment I have to settle for letting Identi.ca send me IM messages in Adium because they don’t have it in EventBox yet. They’re adding more functionality to the program as they develop it so I’m hoping that stuff I want will be added. I don’t know that it will get Myspace access because the Myspace people seem to be stupidly obsessed with maintaining a closed system. I suggest you all migrate to Facebook, people. I really don’t want to have to keep logging in there.

If you guys have twitter or identi.ca you should add me. My username is taomongoose on both.

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