It snowed last night.
I don't know why, but that means something to me. I choose to see it as some sort of renewal. It isn't often that it snows here, so it has to be special.
My grandfather died last week. We knew it was coming, but I'm sure that doesn't take away the pain for anyone. When my dad called I knew what had happened. I didn't know what to say. I don't think there was anything I could say to help.
Fortunately, I was able to fly home to see my grandpa before he died. It was important to me and I think it was a better alternative to flying back for the funeral, which was yesterday. Since my beliefs on death and spirituality differ from the rest of my family, I don't know how useful a funeral would be for me anyway. I honored his memory in the only way I know how. I thought about him, and I meditated. I also wrote a poem which does a poor job of relaying my feelings on the matter.
the dusk of his life
he fades into night
who was he and what was this cost?
was he really known?
it's taken him home
my grandfather's life is now lost
Anyway, I hope my dad is ok.
Yesterday was my birthday. My workday was pretty hectic, but Steph made a nice dinner and baked a cake and it made me feel much better. It was a pretty good birthday overall, mostly because I realized that none of what I deal with at work matters anyway. The moment I step inside my house and hug my wife is the most important part of every day. I'm incredibly thankful that I have a home to go to at night and that someone who cares about me so much is waiting there for me. In the swirling vortex that sometimes encompasses my personal life, it is good to know that at the every core or it all, there is warmth and caring and calm..and that's all I really need.
I'm going to try to get to bed earlier when I can, and get up a bit earlier as well. There are things I'd like to do with the mornings. There is potential there for great things. I just need to stick with it and think about what matters. I read something today about how a man stopped making decisions by what he believed was right or wrong and started making decisions by what he believed would bring his life or the situation more harmony…sounds like a very peaceful way to live.
I need to learn to banish my ego. I'm working on it…but it is hard.