to find a place to buy fairly large blocks or chunks of polystyrene (styrofoam) in the uk.
Archive for July, 2004
I ate a muffin and a pepsi a while ago, while I made a private post. Those muffins should have the brand name Badforyou.
My willpower goes straight down the drain when I'm not in a good mood.
I'm frustrated.
I went home in a cheerful mood, despite the shitty day I've had at work….but things got screwed up once I got there. I won't go into what happened at work, but I have to deal with some really stupid people daily, that say a lot of really insensitive things. Basically, I get fed a lot of negativity all day long, and my only source of positive influence comes from home…from my wife, and my cats. My family.
Anyway, I rely on Steph for some sort of happiness…and it seems like she's been seeing the negative side of an issue for a while now….I'm not going to “bang on” :( about it anymore, but it seems to me that if you've done everything you can about something, then all you can do is take whatever happens after lightly and accept that you can't change it.
Basically, it has to do with the cats, but I don't see any real solution other than getting rid of them…which would be horrible. We just have to do what we can, and accept what comes. I'm not going to live my life any differently because of 2 little animals, and I'm sure not going to let things I can't change upset me at all. I'll continue to do what I plan to do, and trust things will turn out all right. No matter what the situation, that always has to be the path forward.
Anyway, this has helped me a bit. I love Steph, but if I'm honest, sometimes I get a little bit stressed because of things that transpire between us. I guess I'll have to take the same path as far as that is concerned as well.
Anyway, I'm ok now. I hope she is too.
Angel faced
Honey haired
Freckle kissed doll
Almond shaped
Ocean eyes
Make everything small
I love you, Steph.
The other day Steph and I were driving back from Cirencester in the car, when I stuck my hand out of the window. I enjoy doing this thing where I pretend my hand is a dolphin, going up and down, left and right. Anyway, Steph and I were both doing this when I glanced in the rear view mirror. The people in the car behind us were doing it too! They had learned my method, and were having a good time with it…and they would do it at the same time as us, etc. Basically, we played games with them for a bit, and when we were almost home, I saw their car slow down. They both raised their hands in the air and waved at us, so I waved back. At that point, they turned right and left our lives forever. We could have been friends, man!
Moving on now…..
Yesterday I was sitting around work daydreaming. I kept thinking about The End Goal. That is, in case people don't know, for Steph and I to eventually live in a little house somewhere in the country, with grass, trees, and animals…and be happy, etc. So I was thinking about this, and this popped into my head:
little petals, grassy knolls
little house to store our souls
I'm not sure if I'll add anything to that or not. Maybe it stands up on its own.
An another note…..
I ordered a bunch of rice paper yesterday. This will go toward chinese brush painting…so I can dip my whole foot into it, instead of just my big toe. Not literally, though. I don't want inky black feet.
Chuang Tzu did not treat suffering as the major issue of life…as it was for Buddha…as it was for Jesus. Buddha came to solve the problem of suffering, of which Jesus came to make a redemptive use. For Chuang Tzu suffering is a mishandling of life; the problem of suffering is itself a mistake. Suffering is not to be solved but to be let be, to dissolve of itself, as snow in the spring sun of our right living. To live rightly is neither living redemptively (Jesus) nor living enlightenedly (Buddha), but living appropriately, that is, fittingly to the changing climate of things, now soaring, now roaming - and that is Chuang Tzu's central concern. Myths in most civilizations usually have the heroes undergoing suffering so as to solve it and live “happily ever after,” not before or during the story. Myths…in Chuang Tzu's writing are themselves moving images of happiness amidst suffering, happiness that is as nonchalant as animals and trees.
The essence of suffering is violence, which includes (for Chuang Tzu) violence against oneself, such as “morality.” Chuang Tzu would say that violence originates in opposition, including opposition to one's natural tendencies, one's spontaneity. The way to oppose suffering and violence, thus, is to “oppose opposition”…
In fact, whatever comes is recognized as “violence” only when we oppose it. To deal with it we go along with it - this is the weapon that deals a death blow to violence.
Words can be born of and dwell in the situation; if we let them speak out from the bottom of our hearts, they will echo the situation. And we follow their lead to go with the winds of this world… at home in the inevitables (what cannot be helped). To follow oneself is to be spontaneous (what one cannot help but be).
- Kuang-ming Wu, The Butterfly as Companion